What is stress? It is anything that distorts our ability to live a cosmic life. It can be from present, or past factors. These are referred to as karma, the result of past actions. Throw Quantum Entanglement into the mix, and it is easy to see the results of karma as unfathomable.
Nonetheless, with enough transcending and activity, the clouds clear away. We move from a lifescape of turbulent unpredictable weather, to one of mostly calm, perhaps heeding an approaching storm, then on to clear skies. This is not due to any lessening of activity, simply the establishment of cosmic life, of which this one is a subset. Once this is simply lived, activity always meets with success.
I have been enjoying such benefits for awhile, though it became obvious to me, even with a profound synchrony to my life and any activity undertaken, something was missing, or put another way, something was there that was unwelcome and ever disruptive.
Through the regular insights that come about through consistent spiritual practice, I had eliminated all of the usual suspects that could potentially cause me anxiety – I have a full heart, sharp intellect, and a clear and healthy physiology. No economic, familial, community, social or national stresses affect me unduly. All past activities have resolved successfully.
So, what WAS going on?
I began looking at symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), and I had some of the same symptoms. Having lived a long and colorful life, I looked back and resolved any remaining issues. With so many years of meditation and being with Guru Dev, I don’t have any resistance to such procedures.
Long story, short, I found myself clear as glass, yet still troubled. There was one place I hadn’t looked yet. My birth into this life.
I was born in the mid-1950’s in a small community hospital in Southern California, when medicine wasn’t what it is now. I was born between two and two and a half months prematurely, a struggle even today. My chances of survival were quite low. Due to my underdeveloped lungs and extremely early arrival, I was born as severely underweight and actually black from the oxygen deprivation, only later turning a healthier shade of blue.
The medical staff placed me in an ‘iron lung’ machine first, and then an incubator. Due to my alarming appearance, my mother was not allowed to see me for the first few weeks, most likely thought I would die, and did not form an attachment to me as her child. Obviously any attempt by anyone at comforting me was impossible for awhile, as I fought my way into this life.
At three months of age, healthy enough to travel, off we went to Penang, and my subsequent childhood in South East Asia. I was a robust, inquisitive, and active child (and adult). Through a dynamic life of travel and immense vistas, I never got back to re-examining the circumstances of my birth.
Until recently, as it became clear that there was something that had occurred then, that had never been completely resolved. Using my symptoms as a guide, I was able to travel back to the birth time, recognize my physical distress, and my overwhelming need to be nurtured and welcomed into the world, which didn’t happen for awhile. That was both terrifying and heartbreaking, to say the least, and I can see markers of that sense of abandonment throughout my life.
Without accessing and integrating this primary emotional pain, the central effect it had on me was to cause an overactive amygdala, the organ in the brain controlling the ‘fight or flight’ impulse. With all of my years of meditating, and a well-tuned physiology, low resting pulse, and optimal blood pressure, I still could not fully overcome this easily triggered response to go from zero to sixty in a heartbeat.
Thankfully, once I had such an awareness of this birth issue, the problem resolved itself quickly and completely. There was no torturous re-birthing process, or much drama at all. I saw myself clearly as I was, felt the shock of struggling to breathe, felt the pain of abandonment, and spent some time doing a mental exercise to reset the amygdala to zero, instead of that nervy foot on the accelerator.
Wow – what a difference. No more build up of tension in the body, and finally feeling the lasting effects of a life well-lived. It feels great to finally arrive here fully on the planet, after so many years – grounded, and yet still ‘born to fly’. 🙂